This month, on Oct-16th, Robert & I celebrated out 1st wedding anniversary - we married after 25 years together. Also a year ago, our beloved Shaded Silver Persian, Shadow, passed away - we still miss him every day.A few weeks ago, we learned that Robert had prostate cancer. He lost his job 18 months ago & he was feeling pretty low already, but his bad luck continues. He will be trying a new treatment, HIFU, on Nov-24th. Until then, I feel we are in suspended animation.And so I knit, as nothing calms me more than knitting a simple project. The shawl I am working on is a deep green & a vibrant ochre - which remind me of the fall colours that I see at our lakehouse. The deep green of the evergreens, the brilliant gold of the leaves, both are reflected in the stitches of this shawl.And I knit, & knit. Or I will become frozen with anxiety. It's meditative, much like praying with rosary beads, which I haven't done since a was a child. I left religion a long time ago. I wish it could provide me with the comfort I need, but it never did. So where do I find comfort? I knit.....
I am knitting today - a cranberry red cardigan. I feel like being quiet because Robert & I attended a party on Friday night - something we haven't done in years. It was a reunion of old friends in the factoring industry here in Montreal. We went to our old watering hole, the Sir Winston Churchill Pub. It was great to see the old faces.
As I posted reunion photos on Facebook, I found some old photos of our beloved Shadow. He passed away last October after years of struggling with a complex disease - he was just 6 years old when he died. And Robert & I miss him terribly. Shadow was unusual because he loved people so much. He wasn't afraid of anyone, not even my rough & tumble baby grandson, Nathan, who mauled him at every turn. Shadow always remained within inches of Nathan, within inches of anything remotely interesting. He loved anyone that came to the door (think Pizza, Chinese food, etc) & mingled with strangers when we held parties in our home. He was insanely affectionate & curious. We joked that he was bipolar because he was so intense. And persistent. And he constantly played with shadows, even his own - hence the name. We love you, Shadow. You will always be in our hearts.
I'm sitting here, at my lakeside cottage, looking at the lake & our dock & thinking.
My husband & I have this beautiful lake house in the country, with 3 bedrooms, 2 baths, yet visits from family & friends are very rare. It's seems like our city friends (we live in Montreal, Canada) are not fond of the country. Or me. Not sure which. And in the 7 years we have been cottaging, I've found it hard to make friends here.
I work as the Chief Underwriter of a large factoring & asset-based factoring company in Montreal. Although I can be a hard-nosed business person, I also love crafts: I've made dolls, I've sewn, I've embroidered, and now I am completely addicted to knitting. This seems to be a contradiction to most people, although it makes perfect sense to me. Crafts take me away from the business world, allow me to re-charge & relax in a way that I don't get with sports, cooking, etc. Yet many "crafty" women are intimidated by me (job, budget,strong personality, etc). At least, that's what I think it's all about. I may be wrong, but no one is telling me.
So I sit on the porch & knit. A lot.
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